My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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