There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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