you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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