whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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