Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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