the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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