I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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