Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
