I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
