oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
