Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
