so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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