Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
