well most of my day revolves around power hour
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
