yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
