You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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