tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
