It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
