im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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