Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
