she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
