cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sober January is a disaster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
