They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
