they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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