everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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