Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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