Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
