This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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