How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
