if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
