I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
