Farmville is her only friend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
