apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
