Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
