all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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