I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
