hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
