He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
