you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got inside last night via doggy door
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i now understand why vodka
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
