If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
