There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
