Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
