"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
