i just had sex bonerless
my sisters under your porch take her home
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
