After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
