I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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