addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
