So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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