Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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