Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
